Sunday, November 14, 2010

Who we are

Why is it so hard sometimes to say what is in our minds?

For me the trouble begins with what I want to say. I want to tell you everything immediately, just get it out there and get it known. But at the same time I want to leave everything unsaid and communicate with you through my body movements.To tell you the truth I am to afraid of what it is I have to say and how I might say it. I want to blunt and I want to be solid in what I believe. But I want to appeal and be compassionate. The key is balance.

I want to say what is in my heart but I am afraid of losing in order to gain. So who cares what you might think but I am human and I still have a long journey home. Every second is a chance to grow spiritually and I'm gonna take my second now.

I don't like to gossip even though I feel compelled to when others are.
I hate Mondays so I dress up to hide the pain I associate with them.
When choosing between eating alone or with someone else for breakfast I would rather eat alone.
After a long stressful day cleaning my room saves me from a stressful night.
I would love to quit playing MMORPGs but the bonds I have created with the people I meet are too strong to sever.
Some days it is too hard for me to get out of bed.
I don't like drama but for some reason I keep starting it.
My family including my pets are my life and not having them in Utah eats away at me.
I mess up so much sometimes that I really hate it when people tell me how to do something.
I question my stability emotionally and mentally on a weekly basis.
I am paranoid that if I hear laughter I will look that way to see what they are laughing at.
I really do care about my friends and the bonds I've made.
I love life earnestly.
I want to have a family and children when I'm older aka 30.
and sometimes when its really late at night I think about how things could have been.

We don't get second chances but we do get multiple tries.
Next time I will make it right.

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